yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
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If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
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