don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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