we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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