the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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