Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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