We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
