he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
