Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
