My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
