His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
