im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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