So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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