Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
