i just had sex bonerless
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I have grass duct taped all over my body
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
