I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
