The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
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Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
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So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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