If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
