I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I need to sanitize my soul.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
