Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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