if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
