I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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