his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
So many bounce houses so little time
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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