I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
