And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
