So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
