i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My penis needs a shock collar
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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