i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Everclear isn't food dammit
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
