Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
this must be what syphilis tastes like
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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