Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
