I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
