I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
