He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
