***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
