I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
