One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I need moral support for this bender
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
