ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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