We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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