dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
