Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
