the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Couch. On fire.
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