fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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