They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
my shit smells like andre
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
