haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
