what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
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As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
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you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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