pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
