we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
All I want is dick and wine.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
