Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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