Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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