so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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