Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
