I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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