look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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