It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We talked him into tasing himself.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
