Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
