in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
