shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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