Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
