I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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