btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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