Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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