There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
