Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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