Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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