the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Randomize
