i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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