hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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