these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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