I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
