happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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