thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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