its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
