she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
