Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
