so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
