My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
