It's like God shit irony all over that family
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
