My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
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One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
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If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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