Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
