thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
