I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
