Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
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after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
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I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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