So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
