Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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