I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Randomize
