i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She told me I should be a condom model.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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